Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Dicks are not precious.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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