I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
