My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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