Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I have grass duct taped all over my body
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
