My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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