I heard we made out
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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