Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
