Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
