You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I need to sanitize my soul.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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