Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
