so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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