Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
