I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
