Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
