I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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