I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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