96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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