I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
