I feel like abortions should bother me more
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
