she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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