First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
