she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
