She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
