Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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