New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
