are you still at the devil's house?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
