i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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