At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
