I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
