420 ftw
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize