So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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