woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
