When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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