She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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