You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
