Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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