oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
