omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
