I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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