my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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