I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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