So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
