Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
