i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
