Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
