I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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