have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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