this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
