3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
