my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
