If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
