everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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