Buhtt sex?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
