She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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