he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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