Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
