Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
