Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
