Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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