Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
