i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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