I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Holy sore nipples Batman
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